melaniesuzanne: (une souris)
[personal profile] melaniesuzanne
It was bound to happen sometime...

On the suggestion of [livejournal.com profile] boneshard, the beau and I attended a techno swap meet at the National Electronics Museum just outside of Baltimore on Saturday. After introducing the two gents, we headed in to the museum and perused gauges and wires and all sorts of thirty- to fifth-year-old technology. I didn't see anything which sparked my interest and the beau just missed out on a plotter, but he did score some original Atari 2600 cartridges and a computer fan.

Towards the end of our adventure, I turned around and spotted my ex-brother-in-law and his three kids. My stomach dropped and I broke out in a cold sweat. I pointed them out to Sean; he thought it wouldn't hurt to go over and say hi. He was right.

The ex-BiL was warmly cordial to me and the beau. Sean wandered off to shop the swap meet a bit more which gave me a little space for catching up with ex-BiL on familial goings-on. We also chatted about the ex and his upcoming nuptials -- about which I am delighted for him -- and his finally being clear of brain tumors.

That meeting was an interesting coincidence with the conversation Sean and I had the evening before. I've been struggling with feeling like a social failure due to the divorce as well as wrestling with some lingering guilt despite knowing that what I did was in my best interest. The beau's been there and understood where I was coming from. There wasn't really any advice he could give, but it was good to know that he understood and, not that I needed yet another reason, made me grateful that he's in my life.

Date: 2015-03-02 06:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aelf.livejournal.com
So glad it went well and no one replayed West Side Story in the middle of the swap meet. I would have hid. :) You're brave!

Also, just generally, you're awesome. Step on those self doubts.

Date: 2015-03-02 07:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] melaniesuzanne.livejournal.com
Aw, thanks. You're my favorite. :-) But seriously, thanks. I don't regret getting divorced and there's nothing that I miss about my ex, but I still feel a little sting. I'll eventually get over it.

And yes! I'm so glad that it went well with the ex-BiL. I probably would have hid if his wife had been there, heh.

Date: 2015-03-03 05:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] boneshard.livejournal.com
I can't imagine dancing breaking out at the N.E.M.... all those old HAM guys... it would look like a parade of drunken Wilford Brimleys slamming into a herd of drugged Bill Nye.

Date: 2015-03-03 03:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stitchwhich.livejournal.com
I am glad you had the chance to learn that things were "normal" rather than "acerbic" in that sphere, to be reassured. And the chance to catch up on news about people you probably still care about but were afraid to talk to. Good.

Yay you, for loving yourself enough to make hard decisions and carry them through.

Oh, and for digging Legos.

Date: 2015-03-11 04:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] melaniesuzanne.livejournal.com
Yes. Despite the initial panic, it was a good interaction. And I'll probably always dig Legos. :-)

Date: 2015-03-05 09:05 pm (UTC)
reedrover: (Summer)
From: [personal profile] reedrover
I've been struggling with feeling like a social failure due to the divorce as well as wrestling with some lingering guilt despite knowing that what I did was in my best interest.

I don't consider you a social failure. Perhaps it is that you are also not tarnished by an outside label in my head, but I don't think that's the only reason for my opinion. I know and generally socialize with four people who have divorced from their first spouse, and all of them are better people for making that change.

Even without comparisons, I think what I see/know about you reflects growth and joy. You didn't suddenly turn into an introverted toad hiding under your rock or a social skunk spraying everyone around you with bitterness. You have positive things to say about others and interesting things to share about yourself and your experiences. Your online voice sounds energetic, introspective, celebratory, and conspiring, by turns, and always self-aware.

Learning more about yourself and being strong for yourself by requiring a divorce is not a failing, but a triumph. Certainly, you can feel regret that your initial hopes and dreams for that marriage are now set on memory's shelf, and that weird guilt of not being perfect. But don't let it undermine your new life.

Date: 2015-03-11 04:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] melaniesuzanne.livejournal.com
Thank you so much for this eloquent insight. (I often wish that I had your way with words.)

Date: 2015-03-11 04:52 pm (UTC)
reedrover: (Summer)
From: [personal profile] reedrover
You are always welcome! And thanks for the compliment.

It's weird, but I still carry a little sting of guilt for being so late to your wedding that it was over when we pulled up. Darned tractor-trailers.

Date: 2015-03-11 05:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] melaniesuzanne.livejournal.com
Oh, please don't. I was thirty minutes late, myself! Darned photographers.

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Mary F'ing Sunshine

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