Realigning expectations and results

[melaniesuzanne]

My weight loss has been fairly stagnant for the past month and has been very slow since the beginning of December. I've been trudging on with occasional frequent lapses of good judgment and discipline. I've been adding lots of snacks to combat cravings and eating way more calories in stuff I didn't really want when I should have just eaten the damn cookie cheese dip and then gotten back on path. I've also been second-guessing myself a lot. There are countless studies out there saying that the majority of people who lose weight are going to put it right back on plus more and those people would have been better off not going through a weight loss in the first place because of the wear and tear the down and up put on the body. Of course there are studies saying that if one is obese, one is going to drop dead of anything from diabetes to heart attack to snail fever* at any moment.

Last night was especially bad and I agonized and fretted and was very unkind to myself. It took me about an hour after Hubbyfink got home before I could tell him what was going on in my head. I started with my usual "I've been thinking..." which is a cue that he should either duck and cover or add another dozen items to his honey-do list.** Except this time he got to breathe a sigh of relief because I finished that phrase with "...I'm going to change my goal weight from 170 back to 200." He was supportive and asked if that's what I really wanted and why. My reasoning is that at this point of being just under thirty pounds away from 200, on the other side, natch, 170 looks about as far away as Neptune. And I'm pretty sure that I'm going to make myself absolutely miserable trying to lose that last thirty. I don't want to be miserable. I want to be happy. I like being happy. I like being cynical, too, but right now this is about happy.

Hubbyfink didn't mind what number I chose as my goal weight. It's not like I'm losing weight to please him. I mean, if I wanted to get to the size I was when we met, well, that's going in the opposite direction! But I don't want to disappoint anybody*** by not losing enough. Folks are so pround of me for my weight loss. I don't want to disappoint them if I fail at reaching that arbitrary number I set out there. I don't want to disappoint them if I fail at STAYING AT that arbitrary number. Yes, it should be me that I don't want to disappoint, but my head's not at that point. Right now I'm thrilled to be where I am. Sure, I'd like to be smaller, but I'm pretty darn happy right here.

I had a good long heart-to-heart with my consultant this morning. We looked at my chart and she commented on the stagnation and I told her everything that was going on in my head. She had no problem with changing my goal weight. No problem at all. However, she doesn't want me to focus on that number. She wants me to focus on where I am now and the numbers I'm hovering above and flirting with right now. She asked me what number will I never see again. My response was "240. It should be 230, but I'm so close to 230 right now that I can't promise I won't see it again." She said okay and that I should focus on getting to 225 and then focus on 220 and then tell her that I'll never see 230 again. She understands that I get so tied up in these relative numbers and is doing a good job of changing my perspective on them.

Also, baby steps. It's so easy to preach to everyone who has said to me "Oh, I can't do what you're doing! It's too amazing!" that yes they can if they do it one step and one day at a time. I need to follow my own advice.

So. New goal is 190 which puts my halfway point at 228. I am one point eight pounds away from halfway and Maryanne has challenged me to hit that midway goal by next week's weigh in. I'm going to do it.

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*Okay, I made that last one up. Everybody knows that snail fever has a low mortality rate. Unless you're OMGFAT.

**Turnabout is fair play: he has learned to do the exact same thing to me and I respond the same way he does. Ah, marriage.

***See: family.

Comments

[kass-rants.livejournal.com]

Your consultant is a jewel!

There is so much else I could say about arbitrary numbers and doing things for yourself, not for your family, but I'm sure you've heard them all. What I care about is that you found a solution that works for you!

[melaniesuzanne.livejournal.com]

She really is great. I felt pretty sure that she'd be supportive, but I didn't know she'd be able to change my perspective.

Thanks for being in my cheering section. It most definitely helps. :)

[baronalejandro.livejournal.com]

Your consultant is completely right. A lot of people go through what you're going through; they drop weight for a while, everything is awesome, and then things start to level off and the real problems start to present themselves. Focusing on the short-term goals and taking things one step at time is the key. Rooting for you!

[melaniesuzanne.livejournal.com]

Thanks for rooting for me. :)

[aelf.livejournal.com]

I'm going to speak for the trees. People aren't proud of you for the weight you've lost. They're proud at you for working so hard on something that is So Hard, and for continuing to work on it when it's REALLY hard, and for forgiving yourself when you're not perfect, and accepting yourself for being the wonderful you.

You're working on attaining a goal. The goal isn't what makes people proud, it's that *you* are *working* on attaining a goal. You, our wonderful cherished friend, is working her hind off and struggling to move forward and we are just so proud that you are that amazing.

[melaniesuzanne.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much, Leigh, for explaining that. I'd obviously mixed up the goal with the effort from being too close to the situation.

And thank you for the kind words. I'm sniffly. :)

[smiep.livejournal.com]

This!

[melaniesuzanne.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hon. :)

[greta-k.livejournal.com]

What she said. And we cheer for you for being you, and not a number. Happy is a good thing :-)

[melaniesuzanne.livejournal.com]

Thank you. My lack of common sense can be embarrassing. :)

[greta-k.livejournal.com]

Mel - you should meet some of my relatives. Their lack of common sense can be truely mind-boggling. You have nothing to fear in that department :-)

[sskipstress.livejournal.com]

Snail fever is the new consumption.

[kass-rants.livejournal.com]

Tee hee hee!

[melaniesuzanne.livejournal.com]

Heh. And on some whacked-out days, I consider buying a tapeworm.

[hannnahkl.livejournal.com]

Buy, schmuy. I'm sure one'll turn up over here eventually - the mighty hunters have been on the prowl again, while I was out of the house so I couldn't prevent gnawing. :/ And let me add to the chorus of "what aelf said" - that's precisely it.

[cfram.livejournal.com]

What aelf said! I don't care what "the" number is - it's that you are working hard and seeing results that you like.

[melaniesuzanne.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :) I've been too close and too wrapped up in my own head to hear/see the right message. I appreciate you guys more than y'all can know.

Good for you :)

[psalite.livejournal.com]

Well being on the same roller coaster. I cringe when people say they are proud of me. I am doing this becasue I am unhappy with me not for anyone else.It is hard enough dealing with the guilt of letting your self down much everyone else.
I would really rather people say good for you or I am happy for you. My final goal is so far off that I am trying to just look at it in bits as well.For now my goal is to lose at least 10% of my start weight by Pennsic.Hang in there.

[greta-k.livejournal.com]

And if I haven't said it lately - I'm happy for you :-)

Re: Good for you :)

[melaniesuzanne.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hon. And you hang in there, as well. I am so happy for you, too!

Re: Good for you :)

[belfebe.livejournal.com]

Celia, you have the right idea. And yes, I am happy for you. You have the right attitude, and I can see you reaching your goal. Hang in there!

[belfebe.livejournal.com]

Mel, this is not about dissapointing people as much as what you want for yourself. Setting a realistic short term goal is a good idea. Everyone plateaus sooner or later, and the whole point is to acknowledge it and move on from there. The good news is, you know where you are and where you want to go.

I am positive that you will eventually reach your long term goal. You have what it takes. Don't worry about dissapointing people. This is about you, not about others.

Like the poem, if you feel overwhelmed, take a break but don't quit. As frustrating as this can be, the ultimate goal will be worth the effort. :-)

[melaniesuzanne.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Bel. And thank you for the private email as well. I'm still chewing over what you said.

[wyvern-or.livejournal.com]

If you need to talk let me know. Until I got to college was a nice 125 pounds. Freshman 30, then 30....I graduated at just over 200 pounds. I hate looking at my wedding picture and I refused to have pictures taken of me for a very long time.

The day I went into have K (granted I was very swollen and sick) they weighed me in at 240 pounds. It killed me, becasue as 5'5" that is NOT GOOD. When he came home from the hosptial 3 months later, and I became a full time mom I decided that I needed to act. I was at 200 pounds, and 6 months later I made it to 145. For the next 5 years I stayed between 150-160 and was very happy in my size 10's.

I had E and my weight shot right back up to around 200 again. 4 years on I hve only manged to bring it down to 170-180.

My mind does the same things yours does, I so have been there...and I still am.

*hugs*

[melaniesuzanne.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for sharing this. *hug*

[(Anonymous)]

The thing that helped me the most when I was doing WW pre-pregnancy was the realization that it took me decades of a unhealthy relationship with food to get to my top weight and it was going to take years, not months, to repair that relationship. Take your time and do what's best for you; you have been doing great and really, the slower your weight loss is the longer it will stay off. Even staying at one weight is an accomplishment! Aelf is right, we're all proud of how you're doing and how honest you are about the struggle. -Jill

[melaniesuzanne.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Jill. :) I keep telling myself that slow weight loss is a good thing because it means the weight is gone for good. Someday I'll believe that. :)