melaniesuzanne: (une souris)
It was bound to happen sometime...

On the suggestion of [livejournal.com profile] boneshard, the beau and I attended a techno swap meet at the National Electronics Museum just outside of Baltimore on Saturday. After introducing the two gents, we headed in to the museum and perused gauges and wires and all sorts of thirty- to fifth-year-old technology. I didn't see anything which sparked my interest and the beau just missed out on a plotter, but he did score some original Atari 2600 cartridges and a computer fan.

Towards the end of our adventure, I turned around and spotted my ex-brother-in-law and his three kids. My stomach dropped and I broke out in a cold sweat. I pointed them out to Sean; he thought it wouldn't hurt to go over and say hi. He was right.

The ex-BiL was warmly cordial to me and the beau. Sean wandered off to shop the swap meet a bit more which gave me a little space for catching up with ex-BiL on familial goings-on. We also chatted about the ex and his upcoming nuptials -- about which I am delighted for him -- and his finally being clear of brain tumors.

That meeting was an interesting coincidence with the conversation Sean and I had the evening before. I've been struggling with feeling like a social failure due to the divorce as well as wrestling with some lingering guilt despite knowing that what I did was in my best interest. The beau's been there and understood where I was coming from. There wasn't really any advice he could give, but it was good to know that he understood and, not that I needed yet another reason, made me grateful that he's in my life.
melaniesuzanne: (Me at SPWF2014 (by John T Riley))
January: In a surprise move, I attended an SCA event. Kingdom 12th Night was held in D.C., and I carpooled with Kevin and Courtney for a few hours of hobnobbing with SCAdian friends.

In retrospect, I really should've worn a wimple. However, I'm quite pleased with how the hat turned out.

I also saw "The Hobbit: Denial of Service" and nerd-raged A LOT. However, seeing my second film at the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema made that theater my movie-going venue of choice and I've been to only one other cinema since.

My lack of personal insulation due to weight loss was problematic especially since this was one of the coldest winters I've personally experienced.
    12th Night 2014
   
February: We got a fair amount of snow in January and February. One of the superficial things I'd panicked about after the separation was how I'd get everything dug out after a significant snowfall since that task had always fallen upon the ex. I managed just fine, especially since my burly neighbor was especially kind and shoveled my walk for me a few times. He even came out once and took my shovel away while I was digging out the car. I baked him brownies in thanks.     snowcar
I tortured [livejournal.com profile] pirategirleee by taking her to the Baltimore Aquarium for her birthday. "How is that torture?" I hear you ask. Well, PG is TERRIFIED of sharks while I find the critters fascinating. We spent a lot of quality time in the shark pen. And then we played in the gift shop.

Virginia struck down its ban on same-sex marriage and I celebrated a fairly low-key Valentine's Day with the beau. These are completely unrelated events. I completed my last regional Doomsday (year-end financial report) for the Kingdom of Atlantia and my reign of terror as the Virginia Regional Exchequer ended.
    aquarium
   
March: I had a marvelous time at the DC stop "Welcome to Night Vale" tour, winter continued being a bitch on wheels, and I officially filed for divorce.
melaniesuzanne: (Mucha: The Seasons Spring)
Ten years and nearly five hours ago, I married a man I thought was the great love of my life. And it is true that we were in love, for a time, anyway. Enough that I thought we could weather what life threw at us. As time passed, however, we grew at much different rates and our differences became greater than our similarities. Our respective values became harder and harder to reconcile. It took several more years for me to realize that I couldn't live with that spouse for another thirty years. My innermost me was all but snuffed out and, with my being so practiced at willful ignorance/obliviousness/stubbornness, I wouldn't let myself acknowledge that fact until a year ago.

Ten days ago, a judge in Fairfax County, Virginia, signed my petition for divorce. I didn't find out for sure until last Friday when my lawyer's paralegal emailed with confirmation from the clerk. The vicious part of me really wanted for the divorce to be signed and entered on 1 May 2014 for symmetry's sake. And while numbers are silly constructs, that vicious side is satisfied with "ten days before the tenth anniversary." The gentle side, though, found an unexpected landmine in the wee small hours of the morning and I had a little cry. I poked at my feelings, trying to figure out what was going on. I don't think I was mourning or regretting... Maybe it was merely the last of the milestones.

I am happy that the tumult of this particular life experience is behind me. I am happy that it wasn't excessively bitter or ugly. I am happy that my innermost me survived to not only fight another day but to thrive. I am happy to have had the love and kindness of friends and my family to help steady me along the way. I am happy to have the love and friendship of someone whose path crossed mine at the end of last year and who I hope will be able to keep pace with me for a while yet. And now that I no longer feel like I have to keep secrets, I am really and truly happy.

Updatey

Sep. 4th, 2013 11:44 am
melaniesuzanne: (Mucha: The Seasons Spring)
Scott had movers come to the house Friday to take the larger pieces of furniture and boxes of books, etc to his new domicile. When I had work to do or a concall on which to participate, it was fine. When I needed to actually talk with Scott, I fought to keep from choking up. It's still weird to see missing bits of furniture, artwork, and books but I've started coming up with ideas how to rearrange furniture to revamp the spaces into my own and not trigger memories.

I spent the holiday weekend at my folks' house on the Tennessee River in Cherokee, Alabama. Mom and I worked on a puzzle, fixed a wind-chime, saw "The Butler", and enjoyed lots of quiet time on the swing. She also took me to a local outlet store where we found a BUNCH of cute clothes for me that she got me as an early birthday gift. The visit was good for clearing my head and filling up my weekender bag.

This weekend there will be a steampunk-themed croquet and picnic in the semi-local area. Some friends who are VERY into this particular scene have invited me along and I am looking forward to meeting new people. I found a blouse and skirt at Dress Barn which will not only work for the office but also harken to a kind of Gibson Girl sort of aesthetic. I also picked up some adorable boots at Target which will be perfect for both real life and play. I just need to figure out the accessories because it's aaaaall about the accessories for me.
melaniesuzanne: (Autumn)
...then I'm going to act like it's autumn. I have swapped out my typical capris/crops for actual (slightly too big) jeans and added a scarf to the ensemble. Oh, how I love scarf weather.

Perhaps I'll take the bike out for spin after work. I really should start bike commuting again, but I've gotten spooked about playing in morning rush hour traffic for some odd reason. I'm not sure if it's my worry about my depleted stamina or what, but I'm afraid. Of course, the way to overcome my fear is to face it head on, and yet... I'll prep my bike tonight and see how I feel in the morning.

Things at home are as peaceful as can be expected. We are rarely in the house at the same time and that seems to be for the best. My friends have kept me busy over the past week with a trip to the Prince William County Fair, a sushi dinner, and a home-cooked meal. Every one of you are precious to me. I'm not sure what's going on this weekend; maybe I'll go to the zoo or explore Skyline Drive or any other number of low-cost adventures.

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melaniesuzanne: (Default)
Mary F'ing Sunshine

August 2015

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