melaniesuzanne: (Mucha: The Seasons Spring)
[personal profile] melaniesuzanne
Back in October, I mentioned being interviewed for the local hospital system's magazine. Then in November I met with a photographer to have some pictures taken to go along with the article. I'd hoped to get copies of the photos, but alas that was not to be. However, a friend who received a dead tree version of the magazine in January was kind enough to scan the article and sent me a copy in which the picture under the cut was included.

Left: 3/26/2013 (three days before surgery) -- 266 lbs
Right: 11/7/2013 -- 171 lbs
I'm 5'5.5", by the way.

It hurts my feelings to see that before picture. It's hard to believe that I let myself get that large and I didn't acknowledge it. I mean, I know I was big, but I never felt big, you know? Plus, I didn't have any health problems aside from pain in my knees and my right foot. I had plenty of energy and could walk a few miles with little issue and ride my bike for miles and miles.

At the time of the after photo, I'd dropped from a size 22 to a size 12 in pants, from a 2XL to a Medium in shirts, and had shed 95 pounds. I've lost another pants size and and four more pounds in the three months since (which actually happened in December; I haven't lost anything else since then). Despite my surgeon saying otherwise, I really do think my surgery-induced weight loss has stopped and I'm okay with that. Now starts the hard job of maintaining.

Other things that are going on: I've FINALLY learned to slow down when eating so that food no longer gets stuck and I don't have to pretend to be a bulimic. I've learned what "full" feels like and how to stop eating when I reach that level despite how good the food may taste. My energy is better, but I haven't been been on my bike(s) since October, so I don't know far I can just yet. (C'mon warm weather!!) My hair is still thin and a few strands jump out when shampooing, but I have lots of baby hairs coming in to hopefully replace what I've lost over the past eight months or so. Emotionally, my self-confidence continues to be high and I'm working with a therapist to root out why I overeat and fix that hole within myself so I don't buoy back up to that starting weight.

Date: 2014-02-13 03:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You look fantastic! I look like your "before" picture at the moment, and my brain hasn't been able to wrap around being this size. Do you feel as though you have always mentally been at your lower weight, it's just taken your body this long (with the help of surgery) to catch up?

Date: 2014-02-13 03:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you! I forgot to mention in my post (and will add in a bit) that I'm 5'6"...

No, I don't think I felt like I was ~this~ small because I haven't been this size since college. (Mom pulled out one of my semi-formal dresses from 1993 and it fits better now than it did 20 years ago! But I could definitely see vanity sizing in action since I'm wearing size 10 jeans today and that dress is a 14.) So, I don't know... I think my brain got stuck somewhere in the 215-230 range because I remember that as my lowest weight range since I've been in Virginia even though I hadn't been even 230 since 2002. I could turn and pose different ways in the mirror and never really "see" what my body looked like. Photos, though... oof, photos were my bane.

In the early months of my post-surgery weight loss, when I looked at myself in the mirror or pictures, I thought, "Oh! I look so skinny!" Now that I've bottomed out, I look at myself and think, "Oof, I'm so fat!" I realize that my reaction is totally f*cked up and I try not being the skinny friend who complains about her size around larger friends, but sometimes I slip. I don't know how to get around that frame of mind just yet.

Date: 2014-02-13 04:13 am (UTC)

Date: 2014-02-13 02:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
rock on pretty lady

Date: 2014-02-18 01:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you. :-)

Date: 2014-02-13 04:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Your success has been fantastic. Go hard work, go!

Date: 2014-02-18 01:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you, aelf. I appreciate the kudos from someone who's been there.

Date: 2014-02-13 08:16 pm (UTC)
reedrover: (Summer)
From: [personal profile] reedrover
I would be interested in learning what you might have to share regarding overeating as a response to *something* and the ways to avoid that. I'm holding at a little over 200#, and would like to get back down under that line.

Date: 2014-02-18 01:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I don't have anything useful to share at this point, I'm afraid. Right now my therapist and I are trying to figure out what the hole inside me is and then we'll work on fixing it or figuring how to fill it with something other than food or material goods.


melaniesuzanne: (Default)
Mary F'ing Sunshine

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